Nov 22
LOL Sigh I was looking for a file and then I found this convo saved and I usually don't save convos but I remember laughing a lot about it with Kea so I saved it. O_O....... I'm "happiness is a warm gun". Lol. This is really, really old.....its pretty lame...lol....
happiness is a warm gun: why is there
happiness is a warm gun: nothing
happiness is a warm gun: to ddo
happiness is a warm gun: Hm i lied
happiness is a warm gun: there is
louis: what chu gonna do!
louis: :)
happiness is a warm gun: nothing
louis: LOL WHAT
louis: tell me a joke!
happiness is a warm gun: why was seven scared of eight
happiness is a warm gun: :|
louis: isn't it
louis: why was eight scared of seven
louis: seven eight(ate) nine
happiness is a warm gun: oh
happiness is a warm gun: shut
happiness is a warm gun: up
louis: HAHAHAHA
happiness is a warm gun: LOL
louis: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
louis: HAAHAHAHIUAESGHY9YHGIUHFGF
happiness is a warm gun: i forgot
louis: GDYINNNNG LOLLLLL
louis: OMMMMMMGGG
happiness is a warm gun: lol i hatey ou
happiness is a warm gun: im never
happiness is a warm gun: talking
happiness is a warm gun: to you
louis: *postin this on da blog*
happiness is a warm gun: again
happiness is a warm gun: go away
louis: HAHAHAHA
louis: YOU LOVE ME :)
happiness is a warm gun: LOL
hmph > 3 <
Nov 22
Sorry this has been bothering me....so this entry is a bit lame and whiny but anyway...
I think that
I am a coward.
I never try or put effort in life or towards people. I just wait and wait and wait until someone reaches their hand to me. It's always been like that. That's the only way I ever made friends. I tried harder in approaching people but...it never progressed much.
I remember once when I moved to my third elementary school and it was my first time going to an all-English-speaking school...I just waited. I sat somewhere on some bench during recess and watched everyone and everything looked so big and strange and everyone was moving so fast so fast and talking in their own little group of friends. And I stared. Sometimes I put my feet up on the bench and looked out towards how big the school looked to me. But then someone came up to me and I looked up at her and I felt like I was saved. I was really happy.
But then things happened that I didn't want to do or didn't like as well and I always wondered why I was like that. I feel like even from that early point in my life affected me as I am now. There are things I want to tell someone but I can't even though it's not that bad or anything but I hate it. Yet for some reason there would be some random person I would end up telling it to and I could say it as it was nothing. This happened once randomly during one of my high school class and it was so strange because I just met him and we barely ever talked again. And also during another time at the third year of high school, I felt like I could really tell anything to this other person and we could really talk about anything and understand each other. It's strange when I think about it because these two people weren't even people I hanged out with or were that close friends with.....So strange... I think it might be because when you're close friends with someone you would want to keep up a better image? I don't know. When I was 14, I told myself I'd be better. I didn't really become better. I just shut up. And from then on I kept shutting up... And everyone thought I was a quiet person and I am probably but it was mostly because I was scared. I was really scared people would find out how horrible I was. I was really scared I'd say something someone wouldn't like because back then I felt like I always said something people didn't like.... So mostly I kept quiet and just looked at my friends from a far. I think I have the tendency to push myself out of the picture or run away from everyone. I feel like I did this with all my friends I've ever had. I'm trying to be the one who first approaches though, instead of backing away.
The other night I couldn't sleep again and I was thinking really hard about the things I could do and what could happen and what I would wish would happen......There were so many things I thought of and then I started becoming like a coward again and told myself none of the things I hope to happen will happen even if I did do anything....so I'll do nothing and just go with the flow and how things happen.....I wanted to become friends again with someone...I mean we never became not friends but I wanted it to be the same again. I also wanted to apologize really badly to another person and tell him something and clear up this misunderstanding that happened so long ago that I feel that no one would care or remember anymore. I saw him this year but it felt so far back in time that I'm not even sure if it was really this year. I also get really confused when people I love think I hate them... It's the last thing I want them to assume about what I think about them. Sigh.
A week or two ago I felt really weird going home at night by myself even though it's not unsual...The train always seems much more lonelier at night. I really dislike it when I'm with someone and then they leave me to go with someone else even if that was the "plan". I don't know, I guess it just feels like you were used and dropped? Even if you did have a good time... Then I got a little confused by something and someone asked me what was bothering me and whether I was okay or not because I was really spaced out. What are you supposed to say when someone asks you are you okay? Do you tell them "No, I'm not okay" when you aren't? Or if they ask you why or why are you crying, what would you say? I never know what to say because a lot of times I don't know why or I can't bring myself to open my mouth and talk. It feels more like I'm going to puke than letting words come out.
Anyway, all that aside, pictures! The usual stuff. Food, whatever I see outside, a painting commission I was doing this morning and I'm almost done with but stopped haha, hmm...my nails I was trying to paint nicely but then cleaned off and painted into ketchup and mustard colors...and my
At Swim, Two Boys book with many pages folded... :D
Nov 18
Um. These are all from today.............even the sketches where from today in class when I was really bored....and thumbnails for an Alice in Wonderland cover drawing project that no one can understand but me lol I suck.....I saw someone I knew today randomly too...Um today was actually a pretty good day and I wanted to write about it but I'm lazy so I'm not. And tonight I really need to catch up on some homework for one class and study a bit for another too. Why am I so lazy....
Nov 16
Not really. I'll try not to. Must keep up positive attitude towards life....
My sister borrowed my camera but I got it back yesterday and I'm really glad. My camera is cheap lol and it feels like a toy but I like it a lot. I don't think it takes bad pictures. :) Although I think I would love to have a nicer camera or maybe even a DSLR or something, I don't need it too much.
I had a lot of things to say but then now that I'm finally here I feel like all the words I prepared left me. I'm disappointed, tired, and frustrated but at the same time, I guess I'm content. Today was an alright day. Class was nice. The guy sitting in front me was snoring while I was also falling asleep during critique so I tried to keep my head up so people wouldn't think it was me... Hahah.
I just wish certain things would be over and done with.... And I feel like a lot of things I hear or see keeps circulating in my mind and I wish it would stop too. Can I just be unaware of this world? But there are things that I like and love and want to know and be part of so I guess not.....
The other day my sister was like, "We should go live in France for like a year." HAhah I was really like taken by surprise but yeah, it doesn't have to be France but I think I would like to experience this once. Just somewhere far...
Anyway.
Photos of Age Called Blue,
my crappy homework that I posted on me and & nou's blogspot, my feet, my bday present for my sister's 24th, food, and random and more random. Um, that raw shrimp is supposed to be like that...it's good, okay. My mom rarely makes it. T_T
Also a picture of my Basara wristband that my brother was wearing. I got it a while back ago cause I saw it at Kinokuniya and I was really into Sengoku Basara...I got Mori's too. My brother likes the Chousokabe one so I gave it to him...I never wore them anyway. I think he likes Masamune though. HAHA. I think he pretended to be him once with like a fake paper eyepatch over his eye.
Nov 8
Hm these are mostly old pictures...just bored....
Nov 5
All the photos are from today except for the last one of Merlin. That one was from Sunday when I just laid on the bed watching Merlin or sitting on a chair watching it. My head was pounding so I didn't feel like doing anything at all and no one else was home so I was really bored and lonely. It's not an exciting show but I think Colin Morgan is cute.
Someone brought in those paper strips to class and um that's where I got them from and I was doing them after class while I was wasting time during my break. Um, I was at the train station and a miracle happened because I saw two musicians playing there! This is a miracle because I had a paper due today about reviewing a a vocal concert/performance. I will just turn it in late hahah..... They were pretty good too? I guess. I went to get Starbucks and then I got a dollar change so I gave the musicians a dollar.
I sat down somewhere and was reading and making those lucky stars things while drinking my mocha frappuccino. I noticed the holiday ice rink was gonna be put back up again. Last December I remember me and my sister watching people skating there and she kept trying to convince me that this two guys skating were a couple. :/
Which reminds me---my sister totally flaked out on lunch today :( I was already near our meeting place and she texted me what time she was gonna arrive and I was fine with the time. Then I was at Borders and she texted me again saying she'll be late and can't make it since she'll probably come by 12 (my next class is at 12:30). I told her it was okay because I'll still be here. I didn't really feel like going to class so I didn't mind going there late and it only take's about 15 min to get there. Anyway...she said okay and then it was getting to be almost 12 PM so I went to go buy my lunch already and just wait for her to join me but then by 12:15 she still was on her way and texted me that and also that she's just gonna go straight to work. Sigh. I don't really mind because I know she has to go to work at 1 but...we planned to eat somewhere else than usual and we talked about this yesterday so I was kind disappointed. I wonder if she overslept or something....
Also I feel these comments I get from one of my teacher are just to make me feel better about myself?! Which I guess is nice but... I don't know. It feels like her compliments or encouraging comments are lies. I am so cynical. As usual.
Actually today was a pretty nice day too? I had fun for the most part.
Nov 4
Whoa, my fingers are cold. Heh. I just pulled up the blanket that was over my shoulders but fell off.
The first photo is my mail from Leslie! Finally. It took kind of long...at least longer than I thought it would since we live in the same state. I am just really happy to finally get it and relieved that it wasn't lost. :)
Today was pretty nice day. I slept in and didn't go to school early as usual (but I didn't miss any class!). I was walking to the bus stop with my sister and we were running really late and the bus was about to come so I was running to the bus stop. She was on heels so she couldn't keep up and I left her behind the other block becaused the it was a stop light already. I saved the day though since I got to the bus :) LOL Just kidding heh I think the bus driver was gonna wait anyway since there was also an old man coming towards the bus stop. :) Some bus drivers don't wait at all, which makes me really annoyed sometimes and I feel bad for the people that get left behind.
Anyway I got to school and I bought a drink before coming to class. I brought my sister's macbook with me and my tablet so I can work work work. I have a graphire4 so my tablet is a bit old... My teacher was like, "What kind is that?" Haha....
I got tired of what I was drawing so I started doodling my Reborn guest art instead... and my friend came behind me and said it was nice and I had both my school work and the guest art open so I was confused which he meant. I felt guilty for procrastinating too haha. And I was talking to this other girl and we were both like "ugh" about our projects lol. Oh, when class ended I went to use the bathroom and my other classmate was in the other stall and she was asking me questions and talking to me the whole time till I left the bathroom?! It was kind of weird and awkward but funny.... :)
THENNN when I was going home I saw my friend's dad and he drove me to my house! I was really surprised to see him and we talked about my friend hurhur talking behind her back HAHA just kidding. :) We were talking about other things too. Lol.
Now I am working, but stopped to eat the brownie cupcake(one was for my sister) in the photo and to write this out. :)
Oh and I really love those fried beans! O_O I wish they were warm though...like how they keep them warm in the street vendors.
Nov 1
I didn't do much actually. It was okay. I had good food and I wanted to eat more...
Oct 30
I actually dreamt today (meaning I remember parts of it). I wonder if it's trying to tell me something...a little. I went to bed so early yesterday. I don't even go to bed before 12 even when I have to wake up at 5:30 AM. Haha. But I was so tired of being angry and I wanted the day to end so I ended it. I always do this when I can't take certain things anymore or just when I am upset. I just end it.
Hm anyway here's some pics. A lot of nature pics again cause that's when I can get the chance to take pictures... since I'm just walking and doing nothing.
Oct 23
MOMA, Waldo, me, books at Borders, plants, city, food, etc.
Some from digicam, some from phone lol
